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Changing your story. Your future story.

February 17, 2016
Are you like I used to be? Shy, anxious, fearful, full of dread, and insecurities?

Have  you stood outside some where too afraid to go inside? And cried in your car trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with you; why can’t you just go inside where people are waiting for you, some people you even know, some you don’t know. What’s the worst that could happen? Oh! You have plenty of “worst things” that could happen. Are all of them rational? Well no! But that’s besides the point. Knowing they aren’t all rational doesn’t change the fact that you brain is wired, some how, to go into panic mode at certain times.

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Recognition: 

You can’t live like this! A big step is recognizing these traits that, I can guarantee you, are holding you back from a full life of experiencing all the joys that your world around you have to offer. Acknowledging to yourself that you need to make a change in your life. Acknowledging to yourself that you need help. Those are two very difficult epiphanies that not everyone reaches. You’re not weak or stupid if you are a person who comes to this place in their life. You are a very mature and intuitive person for reaching this fork in the road and realizing you want something better for your life.

First Steps:

When I came to this fork in the road in my life, the first time, I was 23. I had always lived with being shy, missing out of opportunities because of my fears. Missing out of life experiences because of my mind lying to me about what those “worst things” were that could happen, that never did. The first step is to make a change. My first step to change was to put myself out of my comfort zone. I remember vividly telling myself I was going to say something nice to someone that day at work. Just one person!

I never grew up learning to give compliments or take them for that matter. We didn’t say “love you” or give hugs and express our affection towards anyone. So if I liked you I was more likely to say something sarcastic to you or make a joke at your expense. And God for-bid I received a compliment! I’d try my darnedest to deflect, deflect deflect. Compliments were the scariest things to me. Fearing something horrendously stupid would come out of my mouth! 

So on this day at work I pumped myself up. “Just tell one person as you pass them in the hallway that you like their shoes.” That doesn’t sound difficult to most of the world right!

But after I did it there was a sense of pride that came over me. I felt like my head was held higher and my vision straight ahead, instead of looking at the ground all the time.

Practice:

I get it! Making those first steps are hard! All sorts of lies your anxiety tells your brain. “They’re gonna think I’m nuts” “They’re gonna laugh about my compliment after I walk by”. And I could do on! I’ve told myself some pretty irrational lies. But with practice I have transformed from someone who couldn’t talk to a stranger to striking up full blown conversations with complete strangers just in the grocery store line.

To be transparent, this first step WAS 25 years ago!

The place I am within myself today is immensely empowering and freeing.

Don’t get me wrong! I still have those moments of insecurities and anxieties, every now and then. But now I have tools, that I have picked up along the way, that I use to talk my brain through the lies. The rational side of my brain started winning more battles.

I want to share those “talks” I have with the lying side of my brain! So you will have the tools yourself to grow and transform into your most empowering and free self.

What are some lies your brain has told you?

 

 

 

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One Comment
  1. Ang permalink

    Omgosh, I know, iknow, felt it, still feel it. Doing better. You said tell one of the lies that I tell myself. I am not good enough for anyone, because I could never please such and such.
    Please continue to write. I so can relate to your writings, and it helps me lit mire then you know.

    Like

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