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10 pointers on how to work towards the job you desire?

When totally moving out of a job area that you have always done into a job area you only dream of, how do you do that? How do you make that move? What does that look like?

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1- Research what jobs you are thinking you might want in that job area.
2- Reach out to friends and family letting them know you are looking into this type of field and if anyone knows anyone in that field that you can talk to, to please make the connection for you.
3- Make connections with people in the field that you are interested in.
4- Invite them to lunch of coffee, your treat.
5- Write down some questions you have about this job and job area.
6- Take notes as you talk over coffee or lunch.
7-Make sure to thank them with a handshake and your gratefulness.
8- Be sure to send out a thank you note the following day.
9- Have as many of these meetings and connections as you can to get an idea of how to make your dream job happen.
10- START MAKING THINGS HAPPEN. DON’T SIT STILL. THINGS WON’T JUST HAPPEN. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM HAPPEN.

 

 

Being on the outside of the “in” crowd at almost 50. 

Is it possible to still feel like you’re in high school at almost 50? 

Sitting here at the golf course waiting for my husband to finish his gold tournament , I sit by myself.  As I see these other groups of women,  all dolled up,  laughing and chit chatting. They obviously are a group that is together often.  Talking about their kids, if they finished painting the bedroom,  and a planned trip to the lake.  Why do I feel like I did I high school; outside the group looking in.  Is it a “me” thing?  I’m the common denominator in this equitation.  What do I expect?  They don’t know me.  They’re not gonna reach out and say “hey, come sit with us” as much as that scenario would feel great,  it’s not gonna happen. And would I do that if I saw someone sitting alone?  Not knowing of they were alone or waiting for someone,  like myself.  
It’s all this just a pitty party? Something to blame so I don’t have to do the work and continue to feel sorry for myself?  
The longer I sit here with 8 empty chairs,  and their group getting bigger with no seats left,  no one is asking if they can sit with me.  Maybe strike up a conversation out of necessity got a seat.  

So as this unfolds,  my husband gets done and sits down next to me.  He introduces me to one of the guys standing next to the table of ladies. He introduces me to his wife; one of “the group”. And that’s it. My husband goes off to clean up after 5 hours of golf and the “group” goes back to their inner circle of giggles. 

This is soooooo my problem lol

Don’t let your brain lie to you.

Changing the lies your brain is telling you is a life long process.

Some of us have this “bitch” in our head that tells us lies. And with out a strong self esteem,  we tend to believe the “bitch” in our head.

My lies I might hear are different than your lies you might hear.  They are so silent and sneaky you don’t realize you are hearing them.  They are like the subliminal messages that are put in some commercials.

Self esteeme is weird.  We can go for long periods of time where we think we are strong and solid in this area.  Then there is the back slide that happens.  You don’t feel it happening because it happens a little bit at a time. It’s not like an “all at once” sort of thing.  It’s not like one day you’re strong and confident and then eight hours later it’s gone.  It’s more gradual than that.  More piece by piece, bit by bit. (Why the pieces are disappearing is a whole new conversation )

Then one day you run up against a situation that hits you hard,  harder than say, just six months  before.  Something has happened in that short time period.  Something that you didn’t see or feel,  but it was wreaking havoc on your self esteeme.  That little “bitch” in your head had been filling the small little cracks in your self esteem with lies. Filling those little cracks up little by little. Creating bigger cracks, like pot holes,  until that day you need all your self esteem to confront a situation and it’s gone. You’re a limp noodle.  Damn that “bitch ” in your head!  Damn myself for letting her get into ANY cracks. Damn myself for even LETTING there be cracks.

This life long process of fighting the “bitch” in your head, who is telling you lies,  shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. Shame will never help keep the cracks out of your self esteeme.  Shame only helps create them,  for that little “bitch” in your head lol.

Where to go from here to fill up those cracks and potholes in your self esteeme?  Good question.

 

 

 

Do smart kids lie more? This cat thinks so.

So THERE!

Do you have an intelligent, imaginative story teller of a child  that gets caught up in lies frequently?

If ya think about it,  those really imaginative brains come up with some pretty amazing story lines. Dragons, hobbits, apocalyptic ravages and survival!

Maybe kids with the most imaginative, smart brains are prone to quick-witted and rapid fibs.

 Ya never know!

Can a kid of 12 yrs old distinguish between a fantasy world in a story they are writing, and the truth in the real world?  Or a made up Xbox game they are into that month and the real world game rules?

Doctors and scientists say they can.

We know at 12 yrs old their brains are not fully developed. And they have this amazing ability to come up with fictional stories so easily. It’s not a big jump for those brains to,  just as quick and easy, come up with that quick lie in response to a parents’ investigative questioning.  I’m not even sure they  are aware they are about to tell a huge lie, til it comes out of their mouth.

They don’t have the much needed, split second, pump-the-brakes, moment that would disengage the lie about to vomit out .  They just don’t have the brain development yet. They have the IQ of an author and a scientist, but not the brain development to make the right decisions all the time.

 

Dr. Michael Lewis of Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, has found that as many as 65 percent of the children he studied had learned to lie by age two and one half. This research also reveals a correlation between higher IQ and the incidence of lying in children.

Read more: http://www.healthofchildren.com/L/Lying.html#ixzz3zdgJ5yVk

 

Lets not get our panties in a bunch! Not ALL brainy, clever story tellers are quick and effortless with the lies!

But I do KNOW my own son has an amazing imagination, and pretty darn smart too, that this very bias mom has ever seen. The story lines, he comes up with for stories he writes, are deep, vivid, and intricate. His reading ability has been at 12th grade since 4th grade.

As are his lies! lol…  Here’s a story for you!

A couple weeks ago my daughter and I were out of the house for a couple hours. My son was left alone. He’s 12 and has been left alone many times. With no incidents. He is a really good kid.

However- when arriving home,the minute I walked in the door he went right into an explanation of how the cat was scratching at the kitchen counter. He didn’t know what the cat was doing. On examination, he noticed a chunk taken out of the corner of the counter.

So let me get this straight! An eleven pound cat scratched a chunk out of a counter top?  Many holes in this story  bolted out at me right away.

  1. You know there is something wrong right away when the minute you walk in you get an explanation thrown at you. Alerts go off!
  2. I realize our counters aren’t all that up to date. They are not granite, quartz, or even tile. Just the run-of-the-mill 1994 laminate. Soooo needing replaced. Even more now.
  3. Hmmm, the cat HAS lost weight. Maybe when the she was at her heaviest she might have, maybe, been able to jump really hard on the counter and do some damage. But she’s a whole 2 pounds lighter. A svelte 9 pounds.  Poor girl, getting blamed for a chunk out of the counter.
  4.  And this is the biggest  hole in his story-my kitchen knives are not in their particular order in the drawer right below the big chunks. Hmmm, wonder why? Did someone perhaps move them?

Then the truth starts to come out! 

Twelve year old kids apparently don’t know that knives can hurt counters! So as one twelve year old wanted to cut open a banana (because that’s what he does- cuts them instead of peeling them open. go figure) he thought “oohhh I’ll just wack this on the counter like in the movies I see, in my stories I write, and nothing will happen. Just like in those made up stories.”

OOOPS! OMG!!  

 

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YEAH!  The CAT did THAT! lol lol. 

Not sure the fascination with wielding about a large knife as you listen to dramatic, instrumental music from a typical, sword fighting movie sound track.

Oh wait! I just figured out the fascination  .lol Silly me.

Besides an apology to me, I also made him apology to poor Coco Fat kitty for throwing her under the bus for his antics.

What lies has your “smart” kid come up with, that amazed you?  There’s almost pride in the detail of some stories.. don’t lie! you think so too..lol lol

 

I'm too cute to be blamed!

I’m too cute to be blamed!

So THERE!

So THERE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

https://childrenscenter.sa.ucsb.edu/CMSMedia/Documents/ParentSupport/LyingAndDishonesty.pdf

 

 

 

 

 

Changing your story. Your future story.

Are you like I used to be? Shy, anxious, fearful, full of dread, and insecurities?

Have  you stood outside some where too afraid to go inside? And cried in your car trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with you; why can’t you just go inside where people are waiting for you, some people you even know, some you don’t know. What’s the worst that could happen? Oh! You have plenty of “worst things” that could happen. Are all of them rational? Well no! But that’s besides the point. Knowing they aren’t all rational doesn’t change the fact that you brain is wired, some how, to go into panic mode at certain times.

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Recognition: 

You can’t live like this! A big step is recognizing these traits that, I can guarantee you, are holding you back from a full life of experiencing all the joys that your world around you have to offer. Acknowledging to yourself that you need to make a change in your life. Acknowledging to yourself that you need help. Those are two very difficult epiphanies that not everyone reaches. You’re not weak or stupid if you are a person who comes to this place in their life. You are a very mature and intuitive person for reaching this fork in the road and realizing you want something better for your life.

First Steps:

When I came to this fork in the road in my life, the first time, I was 23. I had always lived with being shy, missing out of opportunities because of my fears. Missing out of life experiences because of my mind lying to me about what those “worst things” were that could happen, that never did. The first step is to make a change. My first step to change was to put myself out of my comfort zone. I remember vividly telling myself I was going to say something nice to someone that day at work. Just one person!

I never grew up learning to give compliments or take them for that matter. We didn’t say “love you” or give hugs and express our affection towards anyone. So if I liked you I was more likely to say something sarcastic to you or make a joke at your expense. And God for-bid I received a compliment! I’d try my darnedest to deflect, deflect deflect. Compliments were the scariest things to me. Fearing something horrendously stupid would come out of my mouth! 

So on this day at work I pumped myself up. “Just tell one person as you pass them in the hallway that you like their shoes.” That doesn’t sound difficult to most of the world right!

But after I did it there was a sense of pride that came over me. I felt like my head was held higher and my vision straight ahead, instead of looking at the ground all the time.

Practice:

I get it! Making those first steps are hard! All sorts of lies your anxiety tells your brain. “They’re gonna think I’m nuts” “They’re gonna laugh about my compliment after I walk by”. And I could do on! I’ve told myself some pretty irrational lies. But with practice I have transformed from someone who couldn’t talk to a stranger to striking up full blown conversations with complete strangers just in the grocery store line.

To be transparent, this first step WAS 25 years ago!

The place I am within myself today is immensely empowering and freeing.

Don’t get me wrong! I still have those moments of insecurities and anxieties, every now and then. But now I have tools, that I have picked up along the way, that I use to talk my brain through the lies. The rational side of my brain started winning more battles.

I want to share those “talks” I have with the lying side of my brain! So you will have the tools yourself to grow and transform into your most empowering and free self.

What are some lies your brain has told you?

 

 

 

Gonna blow like a mentos and coke.

Now think of that visual.

Got it?

Now think about the last time your preteen/teenager blew a gasket in your direction.

See any similarities?

In the generation of smart phones, multi server role play games, and x-boxes kids aren’t getting the experience of face to face communication. Fewer kids are regularly interacting in situations where they have to compromise and work with others in person. Sure, plenty of kids are working together online in a multi server game, role playing with a group of “kids”, if they ARE EVEN kids. But, if someone doesn’t like what someone else is doing in the game, they can just leave the game. Or as my daughter says “rage quit” lo l.

Nothing is talked about. No understanding of another persons thoughts or feelings. Or EVEN if there was an issue between kids in the game, it could have been all assumed and not correct.

In these games characters interact by typing in a chat room with each other or with message balloons above each character’s head in the game. We all KNOW how misunderstandings happen from only the written word. We all tend to put our own meaning to typed words using our own experiences to put our own tone on how that word or sentence is being said.

 

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The role play world all what ever you decide it to be. My son is a leader of a group in his role play game. He makes the rules, decides who is in the group, and what the group is going to do that game. Once he gets off the role play game he has to adjust to real life, where someone else is in charge, like his parents! That adjustment can be difficult most the time. Hence the blow ups like a Mentos in the coke bottle visual.

Putting time limits on role play games and have a very direct discussion about the dangers sometimes in these role play games  is very important.  Keep an open dialogue and know what games you kids are playing. Even check the chat history in these games.

You can’t be too careful or vigilant when it comes to their safety.

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The Trauma Tree

It’s hard to comprehend the impact of childhood trauma on the developing brain, but this concept of the trauma tree helps with understanding the impacts.

Source: The Trauma Tree – Understanding The Impact Of Childhood Trauma ~ STEAM Powered Family

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